7 Ways to Incorporate Your Kids on Your Wedding Day
Aside from marrying my husband, there were only two other things I was for sure I wanted for our wedding: really good cake and a sweet and special way to incorporate our son Kellan in our ceremony. In fact, including our son Kellan was the major deciding factor as to why we didn't elope or have a destination wedding, is because we wanted to spend our day not only with each other, but also with our son. After all, we weren't just joining hands in marriage, making a commitment to one another; we were making a commitment to our son, and to our growing family.
During my time of wedding planning (which I never want to do again) and over my years a bridal stylist and photographer, I have seen, read, and heard a million different ways to incorporate your little ones on your big day. Whether you are a first-time bride, like me, marrying the father of her child, or a second-time bride combining families, there is for sure at least one perfect memorable way to incorporate and signify your commitment as not only husband and wife, but also as mother and father.
FLOWER GIRL The obvious and by far the most popular way to involve any little girl, is to have her walk down the aisle as your flower girl. It’s even more special when your daughter walks down the aisle, just before her mother. Mommy-and-me look-alike? Hello! There is truly nothing cuter than a flower-girl adorned in a gown similar to the brides. Flower girl’s are typically between the ages of 18 months and 8 years, so whether your daughter, or soon-to-be daughter, is big or little, this a dream come true for many little girls!
THE RING BEARER Equivalent to a the flower-girl, the ring bearer is a fun way to incorporate your son! Our son was very excited to hold mommy and daddy’s rings in a special box and walk down the aisle.
Although it was his second time being ring bearer in two months, he got a little shy and clung to daddy’s leg for much of the ceremony. There was nothing sweeter, when we bowed our heads in prayer, to see our son’s big blue eyes staring up at me! Thank goodness my dress had pockets to hold tissues! If your planning on having the Best Man hold the rings, have your little guy walk down with a sign like this cutie! The Best Man can later give your son the rings to present during the ring ceremony. Talk about double duty protection!
HEIRLOOM GIFTS
Often times, a gift like a ring, a necklace, or a watch can be a valuable and memorable way to include them in the wedding as well, whether it’s presented before the big day, during the ceremony, or at the reception. This is a gift that will last a lifetime and could even be taken a step further as an heirloom gift, something that can be passed down from your parents to your children, and from them to their children. Just imagine the idea of giving your son a watch, no matter how old or young, on your wedding day, and twenty years later, he is wearing it on the day he too becomes a husband.
INCLUDING JUNIORS
Whether you're renewing your vows, getting married ten years later after starting your family, or combining families, this is a great option for older kids. When your little ones are not so little anymore, and have outgrown the position of a flower girl or ring bearer, a Junior Bridesmaid or Groomsmen is the next best thing! They still get to wear formal wear identical, or slightly similar to the rest of the bridal party, and stand beside you on your big day. And since these “littles” are now big, they are old enough, and cool enough to have jobs like holding the rings during the ceremony or the bridal bouquet during the vows.
STATE YOUR VOWS
When your a parent, or soon to be parent, you’re not just committing yourself to your husband, you’re committing yourself to your child(ren) as well. The ceremony is a heartfelt time to commit yourself to your child, as a husband/wife, parent, and family. In addition to incorporating him as a ring bearer, we also took the time to state our commitments to our son, who was at the time four. Even though he may not have understood entirely, it was important for us to take the time to lay our commitments as husband and wife to creating our family unit.
Scroll down to the bottom of the post to see our parenting vows and our excerpt from our unity ceremony
UNITY CEREMONY
Another fun way to incorporate your joining as a family is to include everyone in the unity ceremony. There are lots of fun ways to doing this, whether you're having a candle unity, a sand unity, or even a tree planting unity. We also did a sand ceremony and this was a memorable part for our toddler. We had him pour in gold sand, as we poured white sand. The white sand symbolized our purity in marriage and new life as husband and wife, and parents, while the gold sand signified the sunlight and joy of our lives that our children gave us. We included a cute little excerpt in our ceremony program explaining this, and how it incorporated our son and the growing baby in our tummy (surprise! We were 6 months pregnant on our day!)
THE DANCE
Who said you can’t include the kids at your reception? I’ve been to many weddings where the bride and groom had a special song to dance with their little one. Having a father-daughter dance or mother-son dance in addition to the traditional parent dances is a really sweet, and unexpected way to show your love for your little ones. One of my favorite wedding dances I've had the pleasure of photographing was when the bride and groom danced with their son to the song, "Boy" by Lee Brice. Call it pre-wedding jitters, or pregnancy hormones, but man was I glad I had tissues with me that day! Our Parenting Vows:
Kellan, Mommy and Daddy promise to love you unconditionally
(even when you're a little naughty)
And Feed your nutritiously
(More than just chicken nuggets)
Protect you from harm and treat you with respect,
Guide you in learning from your mistakes,
laugh with you and play with you,
Encourage you to develop your talents,
Support you in striving to achieve your goals,
Be open and honest with you,
And be there for you for the rest of our lives,
We love you!
Unity Ceremony Program Excerpt:
Andrew & Shiloe have bound their lives together as a couple, but it is also right and fitting to celebrate and acknowledge the importance of their son Kellan, and expected child, as they continue their lives, together building a family. Andrew and Shiloe's containers of sand represent the essence of all they are and the gifts they bring to this union. As they pour their sand, they are showing that their marriage is the foundation of this family. Their sands mix together, symbolizing their bond of love and respect that can never be separated.
Their son Kellan will add his gold sand, representing the sunshine and joy he has brought to Andrew and Shiloe and their families and friends who surround them. Kellan's sand will also represent the lives and love of his future siblings. The swirling colors remind us that we are all different people, and it is our differences that add the beautiful color to the tapestry of a family. May this family remain, not dependent upon one another, but interdependent, and as pure and bright, as the sands that fill this vessel.
